Pretty sure you are all familiar with this scene: You are walking down the street (or having coffee in Starbucks if you live in the Midwest, because really, who meanders down back roads), and someone passes by in an outfit so outlandish or hideous you can only double check the date to ensure you aren’t a victim of a time warp trapping you into October, 31st. At least if it was Halloween, the offensive fashion could be explained away as a costume (let’s be honest, how many girls use Oct. 31st as their annual opportunity to dress like they live on Whore Island?). More often than not, in fact, 364 days out of the year, I find myself lost for words to explain away the obscure behavior and poor taste of my fellow New Yorkers (why is it that only those individuals who are on the larger side think leggings are interchangeable with pants?). Well my friends, next time this happens to you and you are left grappling for a decent reaction, there is no need to use obscenities (more often than not, children or lovely old ladies are in earshot), you can simply say: Saraliously?!
Saraliously (sar-ali-ously) was born out of the need for Ali (the namesake of this fabulous blog) and myself (Sarah), to find a way to effectively communicate the cruel and hideous truth that sometimes, things are simply too awful to accept. Although we are original, we have noticed others have picked up on the same issue, including Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers with their version of Saraliously with the “Really?” segment on SNL (watch the clip, it is incredibly accurate. Times Square actually is where suspicious goes to find its brother, questionable). Well, we might not have a pulpit as prestigious and wide reaching as Saturday Night Live, but heck, you have to start somewhere. So, lets start at the intersection of Bond St. and Broadway in the fashionable Noho district in New York City. This is where you find teen apparel retailer Joyce Leslie, now officially nominated for “Biggest Contributor of Bad Style to an Otherwise Stylish City”. Here’s why:
Saraliously?! This is what the visual merchandisers (I am extremely generous with that term) chose to put in the windows? An area generally used to present the best the store has to offer and bring people in to shop, I can only imagine what is actually inside the store if the best they have is ripped jean shorts, a rayon handkerchief blouse (so 10 years ago) with a truly hideous butterfly print and chunky plastic halter necklace attached, paired with a shrug jacket?! Saraliously? What about this outfit says cute, stylish or even timely? NOTHING. It looks like leftovers from Dots via 1997.
Good thing the store gave us two window options! The second is a lovely coral
t-shirt, polyester mini dress with a built-in white bra (I think they probably call it bustier, so much classier, you know?), under a stale jean jacket. The accessories here are key. If the visible bra wasn’t enough, let’s bring further attention to the decolletage by including an extremely long and unnecessary necklace that will probably turn the wearers neck green in under 10 minutes. Saraliously, why are we encouraging teenagers to dress like this? Is it so they can get into the part as they are sexting during study hall. Saraliously?!
But, I have saved the best for last. In the grand tradition of all fathers who love to protect their adolescent daughters from the male counterparts that only have one thing on their mind (memory is a terrible thing, is it not gentleman?), why not spend an easy $13.99 to pick up these jeans for the apple of your eye:
Saraliously?! I don’t even know where to start. Perhaps the True Relgion-esque contrast white stitching that would draw attention from a blind man, or even better, the excessively and tacky bejeweled pockets that pretty much guarantee no one will be looking anywhere but the rump region. I guess this is what you call, “increasing your assets”. Yeah, not good. Quick, someone call the mall and see if Limited Too is doing teen fashions yet!
So, now that I have introduced all of you to the concept of Saraliously, I encourage each of you to incorporate it into your daily vernacular (please use it judiciously and in context). You can also expect to see it as a special column from time to time here on UpMyAli. I’m off for now, on my way out the door to find the biggest violators of fashion and decency. In the end, it is New York, I probably will only have to go to the corner to get my fill so flats be damned, heels it is!