Oscars Winners, Losers and a few Saraliouslys?!

Happy Monday everyone!  It is rainy and gloomy here in New York which leaves me to draw the conclusion that even God was so upset with some of the hideous fashion choices that our silver screen stars made at yesterday’s Oscars, that he chose to punish all of us across the board, and walking through the massive puddles in city streets is simply my cross to bear. So, let’s just get on with the show shall we? This way we can all get back to the important tasks of Monday (gossiping with colleagues about fashion and tonight’s television programming).

I tend to prefer getting bad news first as to process it quickly and move on, lets begin with those who simply left me thinking Saraliously?!

#1 Nicole Kidman in Dior

Oh Nicole.  First, is this your wedding or the Oscars?  Second, we know John Galliano may be anti-Semitic, but is he also anti-Japanese and this is his awful attempt to insult the kimono culture?  And why is Nick wearing red peep toe shoes? Let me not even mention the loose, deconstructed ponytail.   The entire look left me wondering if the Church of Scientology sucked out all of her common sense.  Where is the fashion trendsetter that we all fell in love with back in 1997 when she wore this  Dior gown?

I guess we can just say that both Ms. Kidman and Mr. Galliano are not in their best moment, but can they stop making the world suffer for it?

 

#2 Penelope Cruz in L’Wren Scott

Let me first say that Penelope and her husband Javier Bardem are THE power couple of Spain, and I adore them.  Also, a big mazeltov is in order as Penelope gave birth to their son Leo a little over three weeks ago, and therefore I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt that she was so exhausted from breast feeding a newborn that she didn’t really notice that her L’Wren Scott red sequined dress accentuated her middle section, which is still a bit… err, swollen.  I would have liked to have seen something that wasn’t as tight or if she had to do form fitting, gone with black.  Really, she would have been better off with a dress that offered more structure and a design element that drew the eye away from the middle section, not directly to it.   Then again, what does she care what I think, she sleeps with Javier Bardem! Que delicioso!

 

3. Marissa Tomei in Charles James

After winning the Oscar for best supporting actress in 1993 over front runner Vanessa Redgrave, Ms. Tomei’s Charles James dress runs a close second in Oscar controversy.  Although some appreciate Marissa for bringing out a vintage designer, this dress is waaay to young for 46 year-old Tomei.  Saraliously, she either needs to shave off 20 years or at least two meters of fabric from the bottom of her dress for it to be even close to appropriate.  Plus, she could really do with a bit more makeup, she looked pale on the carpet.  Love the loose hair though.

 

4. Anne Hathaway Mandy Moore in Monique Lhuillier

So sorry Mandy!  For the first three minutes Ms. Moore was on the carpet, I totally thought she was Anne Hathaway (a bit of a look thief I think).  In Monique Lhuillier, this is by far the most sophisticated and classy Mandy has ever looked and for that, I say bravo!  However, she got onto my worst list  because she forget the first rule of fashion which is that if you cannot move in the dress and its so tight you can’t breathe (we shouldn’t see the physical pain on your face), it’s probably not the best choice. Saraliously. Mandy was a performer for an Oscar nominated song, she could have picked any dress she wanted.  Next time, she should pick one she can move in.

There you have it.  Of course, there were others that I thought were a let down (Amy Adams, why must you wear a necklace over a crew cut neckline? And Jennifer Hudson, is have the size she once was, but so are her boobs and they are saggy and gross looking shoved into that Versace mandrin colored prom dress), but the offenses weren’t severe enough to gain Saraliously status.  Try harder next time ladies!

Now, onto those who deserved GOLD for their fashion choices, even if it isn’t for their acting chops:

1. Cate Blanchett in Givenchy

photo courtesy of Reuters

I LOVEEEEEEEEEEE CATE. I am so beyond obsessed with this dress, I don’t even know if I can write because I am shaking with envy.  Where to start?  The lilac color, the perfectly complementing yellow green coral on the back, the built in collar frame?   She just gets it, she knows how to push the envelope without looking freakish (Helena, you know I love you) and once again, Cate’s hair and makeup are utter perfection.

 

2. Golden Goddess Gwenyth Paltrow in Calvin Klein Collection

Oh my God.  Gwennie continues her domination of all media by wowing everyone in this beautiful metallic sheath Calvin Klein collection dress which is literally dripping down her incredibly toned body (Tracey Anderson, I will start stalking you today.).  Plus, her super straight, shiny hair is perfection with this dress as was her own personal choice to accessorize the dress with a broach at the hip.  My girl crush is 100% back on Mrs. Chris Martin. Maybe the Academy should revamp the Oscar statue to resemble Gwen and start handing her out instead?  Just a suggestion.

 

3. Helen Mirren in Vivienne Westwood Couture

In the words of South Pacific, “There is nothing like a dame, nothing in the world!” and Ms. Mirren once again proved that she has more class in her pinky finger than most young starlets ever hope to have.  This Westwood gown shows off Helen’s tiny waist and the color is simply divine with her recently shorn locks.  I have nothing more to say other than that beauty has nothing to do with youth, and everything to do with understanding how to highlight your assets.

 

4. Sharon Stone in Who the Heck Knows

The bouffant, the tiny buttons trailing down the side, the Black Swan inspired feathers on the shoulder, what is not to love about the vamp look done right by the never-aging Sharon Stone?  She has always wowed me with her choices for the red carpet, which generally tend to be tough to pull off until you have her”screw you, I’m fabulous” attitude.  After years of absence at the big awards shows, it is nice to see her back.  I also hear she did a bang up job as usual at Elton John’s after party and AIDS fundraiser (where she serves as the auctioneer).

 

5. Hailee Steinfeld in Marchesa

Hallelujah!  Finally, a young girl who looks like, well, a young girl!  This Marchesa gown is perfect given its tea length and delicate embellishments.  Her hair is classic and sheath and I so appreciate the satin peep toe heel.   Her makeup is simple and clean and shoot, the soft pink shade of lipstick is perfect. Yeah, I love her and this look is the icing on the cake for her many savvy fashion choices she made throughout the awards season.

 

Honorable Mention:  Jennifer Lawrence in Calvin Klein

Dang, Jennifer’s role in Winter’s Bone was nominated for best actress and I am sure when she stepped onto the carpet in this body- hugging fire engine red Calvin Klein dress, she produced many a winter’s bone to come to life (pun intended).  Francisco Costa really is a master of tailoring and this dress fits her perfection.  She also was one of what seems like dozens of starlets to wear red, undoubtedly the color of the season.  In all honestly, I had to think long and hard about her including her in the best dressed category, but decided the best I could do was an honorable mention because her look is too reminiscent of  Scarlett Johansson from the 2006 Golden Globes. If you don’t know what I am talking about, here is a side by side comparison of Jennifer and ScarJo:

Yeah, she is basically Scarlett’s doppelganger (take that Vampire Diaries, I can use the word too!) and I was forced to take off points due to a total lack of originality.  But heck, an honorable mention is nothing to shake a stick at, or an Oscar apparently because shocker… she didn’t win!

So kids, what do you think?  Are my selections similar to your lists?  If not, I suggest you revise yours as in these cases, I am rarely wrong.  No just kidding!  The great thing about fashion is that is subjective and everyone’s taste is different and valid (unless you are Gulliana Rancic and then you should sit your oompa loompa colored butt down and count yourself lucky that Ryan Seacrest likes you because its the only reason you still have a job at E!).  I have to say, now that Award season is done, I feel a bit deflated.  I guess I will have to stalk up and down the NYC streets to get real people fashions we can all critique together!

 

 

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